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I’ve enjoyed MOST every stage of watching our children grow up, but I think, the one I look forward to the most now, is the time I get to spend with each of my GROWN-UP children, just one-on-one.  Maybe it’s because our roles have shifted over the years, and time spent together seems more precious.   Mr. D and I have raised them to independence, and now they all care for families of their own, busy with their own affairs and day to day makings of life.   My role has moved to the background.  Because we live nearly a thousand miles apart, I don’t get to see them in person for a much-needed hug or kiss, but a few times a year.   I miss them more at each “see you soon!” at the end of our visit, my substitute for the traditional “goodbye”, which seems so final and I’m not ready to give.

Sometimes,  I’m called “Gigi” or “Grandma Cheryl” more times than I’m called “Mom”, even by our grown children.  I love it!!!   Even when there’s a chaos of activity or chatter, my ears are attuned for those words, hopeful that someone looks forward to my attentions.  I’m hardly ever disappointed.  I’ve learned quickly that Banana Pudding or any “Lovin’ Made in the Oven” draws people right to you, sometimes even before you get out of the car!  HA! Please make a note of that!

When our kids were  school-aged,  it seems that we spent a lot of time together in the car, going to or from many daily events.  They were a captive audience for sure, easy for “Mom” to talk to about many a subject while they’re seat belted in.  I know they tried to be nearly as attentive as they could be, sometimes hoping the ride wasn’t too long!  I also knew that one day they would all grow up and leave for their own lives, and the time spent together regularly would be mostly memories.  That’s when I decided that on most Saturday’s of the month, for a few hours,  each child would spend “alone” time with me, doing whatever needed to be done, but not sharing the time with another sibling.  The kids loved the idea, even if it meant they were carrying bags of groceries, mulch, or laundry, as long as they could be the center of attention for “their” Saturday.  We planned lunch together and I tried to be a really good listener, to give them thanks and praise for the hard work they did in school and their young lives.  Sometimes it was hard to turn-off the “bossy Mom”, but with real effort, I tuned into what they wanted to talk about, and I’m glad I did.  Together, we learned many things about each other during these outings, I’ll cherish them always.

I always wanted to “keep the door open” with our kids, which really took preparation and meditation on my part.  You see, I never REALLY knew what subject they may want to speak about at any given time, so I had to practice my “calm Mom” face, not saying the first thought that sprang to my head.  So, at times I thought about different scenarios that might pop-up as a discussion, and promised myself to take a deep breath and a prayer before I answered!  Everyone who knows me well knows that I show my emotions easily, and even though I might not say anything, my eyes usually give me away!  But, this was all worth the effort on my part, because the kids kept talking, and then I could share with Mr. D what was on their minds and we could work through “whatever” together.

Parenting is something you learn with “on the job” training, so to speak.  Unfortunately, for the eldest, this means there’s a lot of  “trial” and sometimes a lot of “error”, but there is a learning curve.  The lessons we learn hopefully will be remembered.  No matter what, when our children grow up and mature, there’s usually a realization from them that the “job” we did as parents, really wasn’t ALL that bad.  And, hey, if we get the opportunity to see them in their role as parents, we can smile, thankfully, that we raised them up and now it’s their turn!!!

A few years ago, I decided to TRY and reinstate the “Date Days” that I had with my young children, with my grown children.  I really missed the “one-on-one” time with each of them, giving them a chance to speak about what’s on their mind, really listening, and enjoying some good food together.  Let’s face it, with all the modern “conveniences” we enjoy, and all the things we’re “plugged into”, we don’t really have MORE time to just be TOGETHER.  Mr. D and I really enjoy the whole family getting together, but I felt like the “Mom” in me really craved time with each of my children, while I’m still “young enough” to be fun, and before they too, grow older.  What a HIT it has been with each of the kids, and a JOY for me!

Ride this roller coaster with us,  as we enjoy our “DATE DAYS” with each other, and learn something new about each other and our lives together….